I love my sister!

Hahaha I don't know about you guys but I truly do love my sister.

Despite arguing and lots of fights.

But me and my sister have alot of good memories together. :)

Like today, I got home, getting ready to shower..

and then i started singing the song -> ( Jar of Hearts ) and my sister comes in to join me and HAHAH!! We sang and danced to the song and then we hi-5ed and laughed HAHA. and went to do our own thing again.

And as I get to the bathroom, my sister says out loud "I bet you're still smiling after what we did" AND I WAS AND SHE COMES AND TAKE A LOOK AT ME. AND WE LAUGH OUR HEADS off !!! XD

so funny how my sister knows me hahahaha.

So yeah, that's another memory to add to my favourites siblings moments of all times. 

You have a right.

Another depressed...well sad blog of me talking.

Well, at the moment I feel like I don't deserve to have friends...at all.
Well technically. I don't deserve to have the greatest friend of all I have.

I'm so cruel to her.......I have no idea...I'm tossing her this way...that way.....
Sigghhhh....

And my thoughts torture me to no end...and my feelings make my heart feel unbearable.
I just wanna fucking rip it out.

I'm scared...........
I push her away.......But I don't want to....
I don't want to lose her................

I'm so scared of what's going to happen to me if she leaves.
Who am I going to talk to about my problems....
Who'll break down my walls even though it's sometimes forced..
Who's going to stick by me even though I'm a fucking asshole.


Who's still willing to forgive me for all the things I've done and said to them...
Who still helps me out even though they have their shit.

Just wholeheartedly accepts me....the good and the bad...
and the weird....haha..

I do have friends that accepts me both ways...But....in depth.

yeah.......If I lose this friend of mine....
I'm more lost than ever......

lol...there's no cure to rid of my feelings....huh.......these disgusting thoughts....
the unbearable heart that beats within me.

wanna get rid of them all.

REJECTION HURTS.

so i've been cancelled on my training on a job - I was excited to gain experience from.
But the douche-man cancelled on me via txt message.

Mum says it happens - IT'S HAPPENED TOO MANY TIMES FOR ME.
I feel so sad....
IT WAS GOING TO BE MY ONE DISTRACTION FROM WHAT I'VE BEEN FEELING LATELY

which is SHIT.....HELL, i cried today - SIGHHHH. =="
I cant take it anymore....
"can't always have it your way" - I swear, it's never been my way. Well, not always. It's rarely.

anyways....I'm full of sadness and depressing. I'm being an ass to myself. Cause of what I did to my friend. Now I'm just waiting for the edge - to where I will cut myself. And then..just constantly cry.
Don't eat - no smile. Sigh.....And that feeling of wanting to die....

Yup, I'm waiting for the scary thing to happen again. It's not there...but I swear it's getting there.
Sigh.....

Being Alive has never had so much torture for me until now.
I'm not worth anything.

Now....my hole will be a big and deep one.
Cause I'm fat.