What I forget

It's hard to turn back to my ignorant self. I mean, why should I be narrow-minded and not opened?
Why do I want to be apart of those arrogant people who don't give a shit about anything?
Those people who just want more and more and are never content with what they have. They just consume and consume. Greed.

Maybe cause I'm scared....maybe cause what I see is what's hurting me
....if I become arrogant again, I could shut it out. And I would be, me. I guess. OR maybe not.
I've been in this state for a while now...
Because of this state I'm able to strive for better things. and feel better and be happy. I guess.
For once, I'm being honest to myself...with others in denial.
I don't know what I'm talking about....

I just visited monica's facebook page....Sigh, I don't understand why out of all people she had to go.
I mean she's gonna be there for C forever but...yeah, we want them to be physically there where we can see their smiles, feel their hugs, hear their laugh and jokes....now they're gone. Who knows when we'll see them again. And this is where faith comes in to help us move on.

We believe we'll see them again
We believe they're here with us as we progress through our life
We believe they're somewhere up high watching us
Somewhere near us....in our dreams.
They're in heaven or somewhere happy.

I wonder if my friend believes that....does C? I hope they do...
If it were me, it'd be my only hope to surviving or else I'd really wanna just let go.

I truly wonder where they end up......happy? is there such places called Hell?
many religions have them...so I guess there is.

What truly, i guess makes me upset is that; The people who can make a difference in someone's life disappear.......the people who have much to offer, people who stand out, people who are content and happy with their lives....why are they the ones to always go?

And make their families go through suffer and changes?
Why break something good...